The US, China, Taiwan and Sex
On the eve of Chinese premier Wen Jiabao's visit to the
US, this writer decided it was time to try to explain
the whole contorted history of relations between the US,
China and Taiwan. Instead of adding further confusion
and boredom with a rehash of the historical and economic
reasons for the uneasy relationship, I decided it was
time for a new interpretation.
You see, it's all about sex.
Polygamy, to be exact. And the US is in the role of the
philandering husband, while China is the up and coming
#1 wife, and Taiwan is the #2 mistress who is sensing
that she may shortly fade from the scene. And they all
know about each other.
The husband is able to get away with it so far because
he is rich, powerful and handsome. Lately, he has shown
signs of middle age and a little shortness of breathing,
which has caused his temper to flare up from time to time.
After all, nobody enjoys getting older. The #1 wife is
beautiful and smart, and lately has made some very good
investments which have shown good returns. As a result,
she's demanding more time from her husband, and is trying
to cut out the #2 mistress. The #2 mistress, even though
she has been dating the man since before he married the
#1 wife, has made some bad investment decisions. The husband
has been seeing her less frequently, and he has been spending
more time with the wife, and she fears that she may shortly
become history. Her growing insecurity sometimes manifests
itself in strange behavior.
One day, when the husband goes to see her, he says to
his mistress, "You know that I care for you, and
will always protect you. The only reason I stay with my
wife is because of the children (trade, investment, cooperation
in the war on terror, North Korea). And the reason, you
are so special to me is because you are democratic, unlike
her," he says with a scowl. "You know that I
will always protect you," he promises.
So the mistress jumps up and says, "Do
you really mean every word you say? Are you willing
to prove it to me? If you do, then why don't you marry
me, so that I can be an honest woman? To show you that
I'm a reasonable woman, I won't even demand that you divorce
your #1 wife. I simply ask that you tell the whole world
that I am your wife, and you will treat me with the same
rights and dignity you give to ....that other woman."
Now, the man knows that he's in deep trouble. In a moment
of passion, he has promised too much to the #2 mistress.
And the #1 wife has heard it, and she's
steamed. And she's smart, rich, and powerful. All
the neighbors have taken notice, and make it a point to
invite her to all events and special occasions. She's
been polishing her social skills by attending charm school
and taking piano lessons, but she also wants her husband
to know that she's no pushover, and has been taking taekwondo
lessons.
And she's coming to town to demand
an explanation. At the very least, she is going to
demand that the husband publicly say that he will never
marry the #2 mistress. Otherwise, there will be hell to
pay.
In the meantime, all the neighbors are laughing at the
mess the husband's made for himself. They have all accepted
the #1 wife, and don't invite the #2 mistress to any of
their social events anymore. They think that the husband
is silly to continue seeing the #2 mistress, and think
that it is nothing except middle age ego. In their opinion,
it is silly for a man to think that he can have a happy
and fulfilling relationship with more than one woman.
What's the husband to do?
Stay tuned.
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